to depend on with..

semua orang juga tahu jawabannya adalah Tuhan

hehehe

lepas dari itu
saya ingin bercerita,

hmm, im just a very dependent person. its not physical or material thingy
its about feeling of dependency

what i feel depends on the person condition
whatever you do, always give impact to what i feel at that time
maybe becoming too focus
being too care
being too worried

making my own glass protector.

i lead myself

my Realitale

my life was perfect until i graduated from my college.
i dont know why, God sends me many problems lately.

well, first i still pretend that everything is under control
when it gets worse, i still pretend that i can handle
then, god sends me more problems.
i started to feel stress out
then frustrated.


then when everything becomes harder
i always say that i want to go back to my "heaven" college time.

now, im sitting on my chair in my father's office.
having too many things to think in my head.

and suddenly God sends me inspiration : my 2011 resolution: doing things i've never done before. doing things i thought i couldnt

forgive and forget.
cherish every moment
silent and smile
the more anyone hurt me, the more good things i will do to them.
dealing with my self
having peace inside

i just realized,
God sends me problems because im growing , because God wants me to be in the higher level
well, i dont wanna stuck, i dont wanna go back, i want to grow. i want to be a better person.

semua yang telah terjadi, bukan semata-mata kesalahan yang harus disalahkan terus menerus.
semua yang telah terjadi merupakan rencana Tuhan untukku.
Tuhan memberikan ketukan terhebat pada hal yang Tuhan sangat tahu betapa saya sangat mencintai.
level yang sangat tinggi.
subject dan peristiwa memang sengaja telah dipilih. krn tuhan tahu itu yang terberat untuk saya saat ini.
Apa tujuan Tuhan?
well im not God
saya hanya ber huznuzan
mungkin, karena saya terlalu sombong untuk berkata tidak pernah memaafkan hal ini
mungkin Tuhan ingin aku mencoba menaklukan diri ku, ego ku melakukan hal yang sangat sulit untukku: forgive and forget.

mengapa tuhan membuat semua kondisi ini sangat menyudutkan?
mungkin karen Tuhan ingin aku menaklukan diriku, egoku untuk mementingkan orang lain. menahan emosiku untuk menyenangkan.

semua nya berakhir pada sebuah kesimpulan:
menaklukan diriku, ego ku.
its not about you, you or you.
its not about the situations
its all about MY SELF

how i deal with my self.

hmm, i can smell 2011.
it smells AMAZING
many good things will come after lose myself.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim